On The Road With Al and Ivy: Blog

I know there are readers in the world, as well as many other good people in it, who are no readers at all,—who find themselves ill at ease, unless they are let into the whole secret from first to last, of every thing which concerns you. - Laurence Sterne (The Life And Opinions Of Tristram Shandy 1759) PART 2: The Mystical Bond Between Women And Cats The mystical bond between women and the feline race was shrouded in mystery until 10432 B.C. when universal literacy via comic books and graphic porn novels made it possible for menkind to collectively ascertain why women were suddenly less willing to worship males as Gods. A few far-sighted males postulated it was because they cheated, used the same socks all week, ate smoked sardines without brushing afterward, fell asleep immediately after sexual congress, engaged in farting contests, picked their toes, gambled family funds, killed each other for sundry reasons, and only hugged each other, but those heretics were quickly relegated to sl...

"If she moves her eyes and opens her mouth just a little, the world she's trying to refuse will rush into her instantly..." - Yukio Mishima (The Temple Of The Golden Pavilion, 1956) The first historical example of free speech was in 200,000,000 B.C. which was documented on a Sumerian cuniform tablet unearthed during a Huntsville, Alabama Easter Egg hunt in 1978 by a child who unfortunately damaged the document by trying to eat the relic thinking it was a peanut butter chocolate egg. [Citation needed, some critics claim that the petrified fragment was actually a boiled Easter egg that was left in the field from the previous egg hunt in 1977] The ancient excerpt, which an internet expert (who declines to identify himself) says is part of the first volume of the Lost Gospel of Murgatroyd, relates that the great King Nubilecanazzer McDougal the Glorious One, had just sentenced a peasant to several days of torture for unauthorized viewing of the Queen's royal buns (everyon...

"...I rode away, thinking, I confess, not so much of the kind mother left alone, and of the home behind me, as of to-morrow, and all the wonders it would bring." - William Makepeace Thackeray ("Barry Lyndon," 1844) "Coming of age" rites for young men and women have pretty much remained the same throughout history; men endure epic tests of strength and will, while women are trained in the sacred roles of motherhood, parenting and how avoid getting a case of the ass from dealing with men. Some cynics have suggested that a woman's parenting training applies to both men and children, while others indignantly insist that following a man's orders requires no special skill. While accurate attribution for such insights isn't possible due to the degraded condition of the ancient source material concerning motherhood discovered in the Chicago 5th Street Salvation Army Store book section in 1989, the debate appears to be divided along male and female lin...

"The world is a looking-glass, and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face. Frown at it, and it will in turn look sourly upon you; laugh at it and with it, and it is a jolly kind companion; and so let all young persons take their choice." -William Makepeace Thackeray (Vanity Fair) "All that I shall repeat after her, must be true, without any intermixture of falsehood, but where I may happen, without intending it, to introduce my own conceits."  - Jean-Jacques Rousseau (A Discourse Upon The Origin And The Foundation Of The Inequality Among Mankind, 1762) I heard the term, "OK boomer" for the first time last year, when reading about an exchange between a young woman and an older male, both of whom were politicians. The latter had begun to interrupt her speech, and she replied with the phrase. I hadn't realized it had been around for a while, though it wasn't a surprise that it was. There's always been "generation gaps," a...