On The Road With Al and Ivy: Blog

“She is herself like an angel in revolt. On the judgment of these men, whose eyes are constantly on their superiors or staring at the floor, Jeanne expiates the crime of plain-speaking and of looking straight into the eyes of her adversaries.” - The Trial Of Jeanne D’Arc (W.P. Barrett translation from the original Latin and French documents) The origins of legends about witches and black cats were shrouded in mystery until 123,456 A.D. when the late Professor Ivy Of 'Shitzu U' began groundbreaking studies which unearthed heretofore suppressed Gospels from the early days of Christianity, known today by historians as "The Bro Club Age Of Enlightenment."  "It was difficult to ascertain from historical accounts exactly when witches and black cats became besties, much less if women even existed," the Fluffy White Martyr For The Sacred Feminine stated in her 1986 book, Black Cats Are A-Holes, "Ancient historical accounts rarely mention females unless a famou...

"You call yourselves poets, write little short lines, I'm a poet, but I write lines paragraphs and pages and many pages long." - Jack Kerouac WOMEN AND CATS: PART 3 - QUEEN CLEOPAWTRA OF EGYPT Ancient Egyptian Civilization wasn't always a souvenir industry for museums and collectors. Some experts claim they were an advanced race who even played online video games with extraterrestrial beings, but the truth is more profound and thrilling. It is now known that the first Egyptian Pharaoh was a calico cat named Cleopawtra because of the groundbreaking work by Professor Ivy of Shitzu U, who discovered that the "Great Balls Of Fire that consumed The Library Of Alexandria," which purportedly destroyed much of the ancient knowledge of the time only affected ten percent of the library books and documents. The Furry Professor dug up like a bone the scintillating fact that 90% of the so-called lost documents were not in the Library at the time of the fire; 40% of the ...

I know there are readers in the world, as well as many other good people in it, who are no readers at all,—who find themselves ill at ease, unless they are let into the whole secret from first to last, of every thing which concerns you. - Laurence Sterne (The Life And Opinions Of Tristram Shandy 1759) PART 2: The Mystical Bond Between Women And Cats The mystical bond between women and the feline race was shrouded in mystery until 10432 B.C. when universal literacy via comic books and graphic porn novels made it possible for menkind to collectively ascertain why women were suddenly less willing to worship males as Gods. A few far-sighted males postulated it was because they cheated, used the same socks all week, ate smoked sardines without brushing afterward, fell asleep immediately after sexual congress, engaged in farting contests, picked their toes, gambled family funds, killed each other for sundry reasons, and only hugged each other, but those heretics were quickly relegated to sl...

"...if you wish to know what a man really is give him power." - Robert G. Ingersoll - 1883 The origin of "retail workers" is well documented. In 1969, a stale potato chip that people in Chicago thought was the spitting image of the Virgin Mary turned out to be a petrified slice of scalloped potato that an Internet expert dated as being from 198,7890,765 A.D. and was actually an excerpt from the Lost Gospel Of Murgatroyd, Chapter 3, paragraph 14. [Citation needed: The writer admits the "A.D." is an autocorrect error and should read "B.C." but says if not editing any work of genius was good enough for Kerouac, it's good enough for the AI bot he claims generated this blog entry. Besides, the increase in historical accuracy would be minimal even if corrected] The excerpt relates that the great Babylonian King Hammaruby MacLaughin The Awesomely Dishy One asked the wise men of his council, "How do we create a class of people who will free us ...