On The Road With Al and Ivy: Blog

"...if you wish to know what a man really is give him power." - Robert G. Ingersoll - 1883 The origin of "retail workers" is well documented. In 1969, a stale potato chip that people in Chicago thought was the spitting image of the Virgin Mary turned out to be a petrified slice of scalloped potato that an Internet expert dated as being from 198,7890,765 A.D. and was actually an excerpt from the Lost Gospel Of Murgatroyd, Chapter 3, paragraph 14. [Citation needed: The writer admits the "A.D." is an autocorrect error and should read "B.C." but says if not editing any work of genius was good enough for Kerouac, it's good enough for the AI bot he claims generated this blog entry. Besides, the increase in historical accuracy would be minimal even if corrected] The excerpt relates that the great Babylonian King Hammaruby MacLaughin The Awesomely Dishy One asked the wise men of his council, "How do we create a class of people who will free us ...

 "And now you hear not only a Handel who, disfigured by radio, is, all the same, in this most ghastly of disguises still divine..." - Hermann Hesse (Steppenwolf) In 3000,098,5678 B.C., neanderthal man had perfected a culture that would be hailed as the apex of sexist behavior in the 21st Century. Those restless go getters weren't satisfied with mere domination of saber tooth dinosaurs and women. They wanted to take it to the next level by evolving a new role for man that involved less physical labor and enhance their ability to attract optimum non-animal candidates for breeding and making sandwiches. I'm talking about rock and roll, of course, and the earliest known rock concert in the Stone Age (note clever reference) was documented on an ancient Babylonian healing crystal that was accidently included as a prize in a collectable Happy Meal box on sale in the 5th Avenue Salvation Army store in Chicago and dated by an anonymous Internet expert as being from the middle...

"If she moves her eyes and opens her mouth just a little, the world she's trying to refuse will rush into her instantly..." - Yukio Mishima (The Temple Of The Golden Pavilion, 1956) The first historical example of free speech was in 200,000,000 B.C. which was documented on a Sumerian cuniform tablet unearthed during a Huntsville, Alabama Easter Egg hunt in 1978 by a child who unfortunately damaged the document by trying to eat the relic thinking it was a peanut butter chocolate egg. [Citation needed, some critics claim that the petrified fragment was actually a boiled Easter egg that was left in the field from the previous egg hunt in 1977] The ancient excerpt, which an internet expert (who declines to identify himself) says is part of the first volume of the Lost Gospel of Murgatroyd, relates that the great King Nubilecanazzer McDougal the Glorious One, had just sentenced a peasant to several days of torture for unauthorized viewing of the Queen's royal buns (everyon...