On The Road With Al and Ivy: Blog

"You call yourselves poets, write little short lines, I'm a poet, but I write lines paragraphs and pages and many pages long." - Jack Kerouac WOMEN AND CATS: PART 3 - QUEEN CLEOPAWTRA OF EGYPT Ancient Egyptian Civilization wasn't always a souvenir industry for museums and collectors. Some experts claim they were an advanced race who even played online video games with extraterrestrial beings, but the truth is more profound and thrilling. It is now known that the first Egyptian Pharaoh was a calico cat named Cleopawtra because of the groundbreaking work by Professor Ivy of Shitzu U, who discovered that the "Great Balls Of Fire that consumed The Library Of Alexandria," which purportedly destroyed much of the ancient knowledge of the time only affected ten percent of the library books and documents. The Furry Professor dug up like a bone the scintillating fact that 90% of the so-called lost documents were not in the Library at the time of the fire; 40% of the ...

I know there are readers in the world, as well as many other good people in it, who are no readers at all,—who find themselves ill at ease, unless they are let into the whole secret from first to last, of every thing which concerns you. - Laurence Sterne (The Life And Opinions Of Tristram Shandy 1759) PART 2: The Mystical Bond Between Women And Cats The mystical bond between women and the feline race was shrouded in mystery until 10432 B.C. when universal literacy via comic books and graphic porn novels made it possible for menkind to collectively ascertain why women were suddenly less willing to worship males as Gods. A few far-sighted males postulated it was because they cheated, used the same socks all week, ate smoked sardines without brushing afterward, fell asleep immediately after sexual congress, engaged in farting contests, picked their toes, gambled family funds, killed each other for sundry reasons, and only hugged each other, but those heretics were quickly relegated to sl...

“The first bombardment showed us our mistake, and under it, the world as they had taught it to us broke in pieces." - Erich Maria Remarque (All Quiet On The Western Front, Trans. from the German by A. W. Wheen) One of the first things a child learns is that there are mysteries and elders who illuminate those are guides whose wisdom is unchallenged until the budding adult realizes that humans are moony phlegmatics who often make stuff up. The Ancient races were terrified whenever the sky turned black until they could calculate when eclipses would occur, accompanied by rites and sacrifices. Thanks to the Priests, no one ever died from an eclipse. Astronomy eventually became common knowledge and a source of wonder rather than fear. That didn't end the power of priests, who just found new mysteries. ...proof is in the pudding... That's why astronomy can be common knowledge, yet people will still send money to Nigerian Princes or believe that the earth is flat. Professor Ivy...